24 hours.

My dearest...

There is always hope, light, life

As the sunsets and the beautiful blend of colors add another form of life to a sky seeming to close its curtains for the day we automatically recap the past 24 hours. Tonight, like any other night I do the same and just like any other day and like any other person on this planet the past 24 hours -- if I looked at each hour of it -- has been.... well, interesting.

For the first time we organized and implemented an Internship Day (Wow! I remember going to so many events in my life and never realized how much organizing and behind-the-scenes work goes into it). Looking back today, I will call it a success (with all its shortcomings) but I can't emphasize just how proud I am of the great team that did all the work. The effort, dedication and sacrifices of the other staff members made it all happen. It's a great feeling! And I am one lucky girl to be surrounded by so many amazing individuals at work.

Having said this other parts of the last 24 hours have not been so great, and that's fine. With the sound of the morning prayers echoing through a silent neighborhood, the sun welcoming a new day and the gentle cool, morning breeze will swipe with it the recent sorrows. I am sure.

Lots of love
Saza - I think my bed time these days is earlier than my neighbour's little kids!

Star gazing? Anyone?

Dearest....

Why do I make remarks that often makes me feel like an alien on this planet? Okay, maybe that's a silly question considering some of the thoughts I often have... but still, that's no excuse!

Today, was one of those days where you come back from work half-dead, with every part of your body wanting a long rest, especially your mind (and soul).

I was giving a quick over view of my hectic day to S.M., being myself I admitted I wanted to sit somewhere and watch the moon and stars in the sky. "I don't want to be inside feeling closed by all the walls."

And that was my little aha moment even though S.M. didn't react in anyway but the cold reply clearly hinted to me: "You're tired so just go to bed!"

I don't wish for my point to be lost, the fact that I said I don't want to feel closed off between walls reflects something. Does it not?

So what if we sat in the garden in absolute silence and listening to the occasional sound of insects who come out after dark while seeing the moon and stars? So what if we went for walks under the moon? Seems like in today's world that's an absurd thing to do.

Anyhow, no moon or stars for me tonight. Finished off homework and now it is straight to bed for another long day tomorrow. But still, I wished I could spend half an hour alone outside walking, or just sitting and staring into the sky.

Good night

Saza -- so tired not sire if a single word makes any sense in this entry. Good Night! 

Old is Gold

Dearest...

So, I get a gift from someone dear to my heart. Wait wait. Before I go any further you need to know that once I get used to something it is hard for me to change, it becomes part of my life no matter how old, ugly or useless it becomes. I simply feel when something is loyal to me, I need to be loyal in return... even if it is a mobile phone.

So here I am, all evening long trying to work with a touch screen. I miss my old BlackBerry, where you could hear the buttons every time I phoned or texted. Fell off my hands a million times and never broke (Note: this was not one of those fancy BlackBerry phones, I think it is the oldest one and the first one ever made) but I love it and I miss it. It is time to move on.

No matter how resistant you are to certain progresses, sometimes you just fall in.

I wonder how my grandparents lived without a MacBook Pro, an iPad or a fancy phone. I wonder how they lived without internet. I actually don't wonder, I can imagine it and I to be honest I think life would've been much much better without all these things. Even though they have become priorities in my life.

Imagine an evening without television. How great? You would just sit with your family and talk. Imagine no mobile phones or internet. Even greater, you meet your friends more, talk face to face and you don't reach a point where you have 2000 friends on Facebook, but when you need a shoulder to cry on you look right, you look left and you find no one.

While I love a lot of things about our world, I must admit personally I think I prefer a life without all the extra accessories  that we have now. Although, I know very well these accessories are now necessities.

Good night
Love Saza - I wonder, if I can live a life without any technology. 

Freedom Writers

Dear: Someone, somewhere...

Freedom Writers  - My Friday evening

I am suffocating.

I generally don't enjoy movies. While people watch them for fun, I prefer to do other things. But, when I do watch the rare movie every once a year or so I connect so closely that it lives with me. I live with the characters and I become part of the story myself.

I basically have to hide my tears by pretending there's something in my eye, this is if I don't start sniffing.

My loved ones sometimes watch movies over and over again and I don't see the point. But since the first time I watched Freedom Writers as part of the my school assignment more than a decade ago, every time it has been on TV or I have had access to it, I have not hesitated to view it a second, third and a fourth time.

Tonight, in front of our TV at home, on the sofa I once again tried to hide away my tears as I watched what is one the closest movies to my heart.

I am suffocating.

As much of an inspiration the movie is, just as much it makes me reflect on the realities of my society, of many societies. It reminds me of the injustices, it reminds me of the endless deserving young people (boys and girls) who need someone to believe in them, treat them well and reach out for their hands.

The story reminds me of my friends A.S and B.A.  who together managed to put an orphan through school after 15 years, because no one gave her the chance before (trust me you don't want to hear the excuse).

I hate it how we live in an atrocious world where man kills man. Where we hate one another and we are greedy animals only searching for the interests of our own kind.

I am suffocating because of the injustices happening everywhere, in every direction we look. It is in such a way that you become part of it too... thinking it is normal. But it is not.


Lots of love
Saza - Note to self: Don't ever do injustice Saza to anyone, any race, any background, any person. And here is a promise made.


I am inspired. Trust me. 

The heartless father

My dearest,

I am not a mother. 

However, for two days now I have been struggling to find the answer to many questions. I am struggling to know  how could a mother let go of her children. I am struggling to understand how a father can leave his crying child at the orphanage because Ms. New Wife married him on the condition that he doesn't keep his son. What is this world coming to? 

I was listening to the fight while I was at the orphanage. The birth mother of the little boy (around 8 years old) died. The boy is crying for his father, but the father admits to the director of the orphanage that he doesn't want to take the child home because of his Bride. It is certainly not my business to judge the woman nor is it my right to talk against this heartless, selfish, cruel father (I think it should be illegal to even refer to him as a father). I am not questioning, and I am attempting to avoid judgement. But I can't. How? Why? How? and Why? How? Again. 

Aside from all this. The child has been examined by a medical team. It is stated his conditions require him to be in a family environment, hence, to be nurtured with love. The so-called father sees this report and decides he will look for a family to "give" his son to. 

My frustration and resentment of the situation does not allow me to write further. 

Children are too precious to be heart broken. If you're mature enough to bring a child into the world, you must understand that it is your God given duty and responsibility to raise that child to the best of your ability. Otherwise, just DON'T DO IT. Simple as that. 

Saza - Shaw bash!

Winter.. oh winter!

"The color of springtime is in the flowers, the color of winter is in the imagination."

I miss winter nights. Winter mornings.
I am a winter person.

I miss the snow,
the sound of rain on my window as I am curled in bed

Naked trees in white frost

Baby M.

Dearest.... *

Baby M few hours after his birth. 

I sit on my bed tonight, knowing this was a life changing weekend. Another little one opened his eyes into the world. I am going to take the time to blab a little bit in this post. So please bare with me.

S.I and I were class mates years ago, soon we became friends, then good friends and towards the final year of uni best friends. All of a sudden she was the one I spoke to the most, went out the most (we actually spent almost every February 14th together) and here it was, someone who understood me and my thoughts. Who believed and motivated me. Here was a friend who wished for my successes, advised me and always wanted and planned for the best for me. The years went past, we graduated, worked and for a while I had to leave but even in distance Skype, inboxes and emails wouldn't stop.

I remember the first time S.I. covered her face and spoke to me of someone special in her life, it was only days later, someone special had proposed, and not even weeks later, they were engaged. I arrived back for the big day (I can never describe the feeling of seeing your best friend in a white dress)... the point is I feel a part of every single step of this journey. I was far away when I heard the S.I was going to be expecting a baby in less than nine months time.

And this weekend, on Friday 3rd of May 2013 I saw someone who I would like to call my nephew. I couldn't hold back tears seeing S.I on the hospital bed but as soon as I looked into her eyes, I knew that look too well. The look in her eyes as she stared at her newborn (MY nephew) reminded me yet another time just how special life is.

I am excited for the days, months and years ahead. As I see Baby M grow. I look forward to passing by after work just to say hello to him. I look forward to his first smile, first clap, first few steps and his first word... just like his own mum. When we love those around us, we automatically love the ones that they love..

Good night
Saza - Hoping to be a cool aunt for Baby M.




* Not sure if there is one, or none, reading this blog. 

Aunt Saza

I am known to love the little ones in my life, and in the life of my loves ones. 

While Baby Lana is all the way in Aussie land, little Miss A in India and Baby B in Lebanon, soon someone special is going to be born into the world, and I hope to see him in his first few hours after birth. 

For some reason birth and new borns mean a lot in my life for two main reasons. Firstly, it is a special feeling to see those closest to my heart going through motherhood for the first time in their lives. I enjoy seeing them grow as individuals and more importantly to see them happy. These little angels bring a bundle of happiness. Secondly, every new life reminds me of how special life is. How delicate and precious we are. I am amazed by Allah's creation.

Rarely does a day goes pass without me receiving a picture from either Little Lana, Miss A or Baby B and soon.. the baby boy (Either Baby D or Baby M. Name yet to be confirmed).

Lots of Love

Saza - I am a proud aunt to the children of my best friends who have substituted for the blood-sisters that I never had. 

The Journey continues

Dearest,

The faces that make each day a delight at my work place

Sometimes I wish this phase of my life would pass in slow motion, because currently it is just like a sway of breeze passing by a little too fast to be captured and turned into words. Nevertheless, every encounter is having a great influence on me.

Not too long ago I became a certified Edward De Bono Trainer, hence the months--and years-- to come will be very interesting as I expected to train groups of individuals in different companies, institutions and offices. This means doing more of what I love- meet people, interact, learn and share what I have.

At work I am just getting used to playing the role of a boss --I actually don't like that word-- recently I came to realize that in the entire university I am the only female director, and the youngest of everyone else, not just directors but also the staff. Our VC pointed this out recently during a meeting we had with a third party. I never thought of it this way, and never did it occur to me that it would matter, however, since that meeting something inside me wants to strive harder. Much harder. As if, you want to prove yourself, not just yourself, but you want to prove that young people (23, in my opinion is still very young) in particular females can take on leadership roles and run an entire department. Something inside me wants to succeed in this job, just because I want those following me to also be young, vibrant and I am going to be biased her, I hope they are females!

I hope my words do not entail that everything is running smoothly, because it's not. Though I am lucky to belong to a work environment that I am very comfortable in. I always wished and dreamed that every morning I woke up I looked forward to the place that I was going to spend most of the rest of my day in. I can proudly admit at least four out of the five working days I look forward to my day!

Meanwhile, when there is any free time I transfer my focus and energy into writing my second book. This one is of a very different kind to the previous. I am excited.

Lots of love
Saza - Tomorrow is going to be a busy day!