Dearest...
For a few days now I have been away from home, doing some work with youth in a refugee camp where Kurds from Syria are now living.
As usual, there are individuals in the training that are beyond amazing, but what hurts me is that I know deep down inside they don't think they are amazing... but they try! There is a lot I want to share with you about the 40 youth I am working with at the moment, but since I am so exhausted tonight I would rather share with you my own thoughts and emotions and leave the stories for a time where I can pass them to you in the best way I can.
When I let SK know that there might be a chance that I can go and be in a refugee camp for a while his immediate reaction was "Go!" As for me, before I even came here my heart arrived. The point is, this experience, even though it is for a short time has made me reflect on my life back in Erbil. This morning, before I began my mission for the day I wrote: "After 23 years I realized what it is that I was born to do." Yes, exactly that.
I have something in me, that no matter where I am and what I am doing I can make myself love it. But deep down inside certain things make me content without me even trying!
I must confess I see no need for me to sit in a fancy office, wearing fancy clothes doing office work when hundreds of other people can and will do that job just as well as I do and even better! There is no need for me to be there when I can do be here.
If there weren't so many people involved in my life right now I would settle here for the next 6 months or 1 year. I want to live in the camp and be there for the young girls and boys here. I know now even when I leave my heart will remain behind. I don't want to go. I honestly, genuinely don't want to leave.
I have landed in a career pathway back in Erbil that individuals can dream of. But Manager of this and Director of that and boss of this person doesn't mean anything to me.
Here I am in my comfy jeans and snickers, in a shirt and no makeup (AND no one is telling me that I look tired and unwell) working directly with people. No one telling me if I have checked my email, no one requesting signatures to buy this and buy that; No one blaming me and no one asking me things.
Somethings happen in life for a reason, and right now I am here in Domiz camp for a good reason--aside from the obvious-- after returning to Erbil, my dearest reader, I think I am going to be sitting down and re-thinking the career choice that I have taken.
Saza wants to be herself. I didn't know how much I had missed these youth training sessions. I love listening to these people speak, I love it how the time finishes and they tell me they don't want to leave, I love hearing their stories and seeing them laugh and tell one another jokes! I love seeing the future in their eyes, I love the way they can be full of hope and optimism while their surrounding gives the exact opposite sentiment.
I love it how when I am a trainer with young people I can forget everything and I don't need to do a million things at the same time, I don't need a loooong To Do list every morning. No, I have one mission that day and I only do one thing.
I feel I am going to make a decision in the week(s) to come that not everyone around me will like, but I am following my heart. I can't tell these young people do things you're passionate about when I feel I am not.
For now good night!
Long day ahead tomorrow
Saza -
For a few days now I have been away from home, doing some work with youth in a refugee camp where Kurds from Syria are now living.
As usual, there are individuals in the training that are beyond amazing, but what hurts me is that I know deep down inside they don't think they are amazing... but they try! There is a lot I want to share with you about the 40 youth I am working with at the moment, but since I am so exhausted tonight I would rather share with you my own thoughts and emotions and leave the stories for a time where I can pass them to you in the best way I can.
When I let SK know that there might be a chance that I can go and be in a refugee camp for a while his immediate reaction was "Go!" As for me, before I even came here my heart arrived. The point is, this experience, even though it is for a short time has made me reflect on my life back in Erbil. This morning, before I began my mission for the day I wrote: "After 23 years I realized what it is that I was born to do." Yes, exactly that.
I have something in me, that no matter where I am and what I am doing I can make myself love it. But deep down inside certain things make me content without me even trying!
I must confess I see no need for me to sit in a fancy office, wearing fancy clothes doing office work when hundreds of other people can and will do that job just as well as I do and even better! There is no need for me to be there when I can do be here.
If there weren't so many people involved in my life right now I would settle here for the next 6 months or 1 year. I want to live in the camp and be there for the young girls and boys here. I know now even when I leave my heart will remain behind. I don't want to go. I honestly, genuinely don't want to leave.
I have landed in a career pathway back in Erbil that individuals can dream of. But Manager of this and Director of that and boss of this person doesn't mean anything to me.
Here I am in my comfy jeans and snickers, in a shirt and no makeup (AND no one is telling me that I look tired and unwell) working directly with people. No one telling me if I have checked my email, no one requesting signatures to buy this and buy that; No one blaming me and no one asking me things.
Somethings happen in life for a reason, and right now I am here in Domiz camp for a good reason--aside from the obvious-- after returning to Erbil, my dearest reader, I think I am going to be sitting down and re-thinking the career choice that I have taken.
Saza wants to be herself. I didn't know how much I had missed these youth training sessions. I love listening to these people speak, I love it how the time finishes and they tell me they don't want to leave, I love hearing their stories and seeing them laugh and tell one another jokes! I love seeing the future in their eyes, I love the way they can be full of hope and optimism while their surrounding gives the exact opposite sentiment.
I love it how when I am a trainer with young people I can forget everything and I don't need to do a million things at the same time, I don't need a loooong To Do list every morning. No, I have one mission that day and I only do one thing.
I feel I am going to make a decision in the week(s) to come that not everyone around me will like, but I am following my heart. I can't tell these young people do things you're passionate about when I feel I am not.
For now good night!
Long day ahead tomorrow
Saza -
Saza,
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry it has taken me over a week to post a comment here - your post is a very brave one, and your position a potentially lonely one, so I want you to know that there is warmth and support for you - albeit from someone you've never met on the other side of the world!
You are the only person who has to live your life, so it's important that you make choices you are happy with. What I see of you online suggests that you could do almost anything and do it well. Passion for what you do is important (though perhaps not definitive - I suspect success breeds passion more often than passion breeds success). Remember that new things always seem more exciting than old things - I'm sure that working in a refugee camp will bring plenty of mundanity and frustration along with the joy. No one, however, can say that you haven't given the alternative - your current job - a fair chance.
Talk to people you trust about it, spend some time this month meditating on it, and if your heart and your head are in alignment, go for it.
Whatever you decide (and it's clear which way you're leaning!), I know you will continue to help, encourage, and enrich the lives of every person you come across; and I look forward to following those stories - your adventures! - through your blogs.
Your support and the way you believe in me.... is amazing. thank you!! Thank you!! Thank you!
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