Monday 26 March 2012

A Twanasazi inspiration

I'm sitting on the floor next to the window, the curtains twisted so its not in my way, still the sky isn't fully dark, few stars have made an early appearance tonight. I am proudly looking at my two plants (I have been looking after them very well, I'm sure dad would be very proud of me, I thought they'd die quickly but in fact they've grown fuller and taller) sound of birds tweeting on the trees is like music in my ears.  I love the view of the lake.  Sometimes makes me forget the distance.

There is something magical about me and the people in my life. There are always individuals who I feel I have a very special bond with, I might not spend so much time with them, they may not be my best friends… but somehow, they inspire me, they're in my mind every now and then.

My dearest, most loyal reader…  
LK is one of those individuals. She's a young woman from Kurdistan, her husband and little boy are back home and here she is chasing after a dream. Every time she speaks of them tears fill her eyes, yet she is determined to keep going and complete the degree.
She dropped by to my room the other day, we were talking about our dissertations. With full excitement and motivation, she told me "I'm studying concrete and I love it."
Studying an MA in architecture LK found out something to do with concrete that doesn't exist in Kurdistan. For the next four months she's going to be in labs, behind her laptop and reading books and articles all to do with concrete. Yes, concrete. Something that anyone else would find rather silly. But for LK, "Kurdistan needs this," she is so eager to return back to Kurdistan successfully, with her degree to add something into the nation.
"I owe a lot to Kurdistan for sending me here and allowing me make this dream of mine come true," she told me. Our two hour conversation was mixed with laughter, tears, memories and future goals in life.
In front of me I was seeing a successful young Kurdish woman who is making her dream come true, pushing her limits and wanting to go return to give back to Kurdistan. I wish all Twansazi students were like her. I really do.
My dearest LK, you're a role model, a true inspiration, an asset to Kurdistan. 
As for me, very excited for the days to come, I am going to start the readings for my dissertation. Love the topic, though mine is a little far from concrete.
*Twansazi refers to the KRG's Human Capacity Development Program, HCDP. 

Saturday 24 March 2012

A Twanasazi's Oxford dream....

Anyone who knows me well they would know by now that I since I have come here Irarely leave to any where special or any particular lecture or class without my tasbeeh around my wrist.
It's special because it's my father's tasbeeh. I have this feeling that when wearing it I am given strength, I am making right decisions… it maybe just an illusion but somehow it does make me feel empowered, safe and successful. The point is, my dear reader, being so far away from home, a little girl (bird, in dad's words) all alone, when this tasbeeh goes with me, it means today is a challenge, I am living a new experience – but I am not alone.
The University of Oxford has always been my dream. Every young girl would dream being in front of the mirror in a white dress as a Cinderella or whatever, but from the day I knew what Oxford is, I have always had it as a dream. A dream to be a student in Oxford (actually,  I once had a dream I was a graduate of Oxford Class of 2016). One of those dreams that I like to imagine myself living before I sleep every now and then or something I like to talk about with loves ones.
I would tell those close to me, I wish to be a student there for just one day in my life* today, my dear reader, I went to Oxford. The city that was beyond my dreams I walked in its road, breathed its air and touched the buildings. I looked at its sky and shopped at its shops. I was living something that I had only imagined in my mind.
I went with a dear friend, AA, I would walk, point at an elderly man, with white hair (actually 80% bold) and glasses and say: "Oh My God, I swear he is an Oxford professor." I would see a group of students and think, "wow, I’m sure they're Oxford students," I walked pass the colleges and took pictures.  For you, my dear reader, this is something simple; for me, it was one of those proud moments in my life. For some reason I am back in my room in Nottingham wanting to study so much and work so hard, maybe, just maybe… MAYBE… one day… one day sometime, at some age…. I might not be going to Oxford to take pictures and breathe in the air but to………..(Shhhh… I can't even complete this sentence).
As a twanasazi student, studying at Nottingham, today something became reality that was on many occasions beyond my dreams. Not an Oxford student, but walking through Oxford's roads. At points I would touch the tasbeeh. "I wish you were here with me… can you believe I am here…I am loving this…you embedded this dream within me" I would talk in my mind as I reached my hand to to it just to make sure it was there.

Who would have thought, with a grandfather cut off from the world, a father who spent most his life in the mountains would have a daughter who would walk the streets of Oxford... something that was always at the back of her mind. Dreams of young Kurds are starting to come true
*I never applied. 
Special thanks to the beautiful AA for joining me on this trip. 

Thursday 22 March 2012

The road ahead...




I wonder where this road is taking me, what's waiting ahead?
Where is the destination? Where I stand I have a feeling of what's at the end but I can't see it yet, I can't be too sure.
Is there a huge ending? or will it be another turn and ...another long road. Sometimes you walk and walk, but you feel you're not getting closer, other times the road looks a little shorter. At times you look back, but not always, you smile to yourself and say "I have come a long way" then you look ahead with more motivation to continue. Looking around, the journey is beautiful, it's surrounded by quietness, by natural beauty and sometimes much excitement. Still... your eyes only look ahead and the road seems to have no end. Deep down inside you know you are walking towards something, and every step you take in your mind you imagine the feeling you would get once you're there. Once you've reached the aim. Once you finish the long road... And you also know that the end of this road is in itself another beginning of yet another long road.
This picture is of me and is an illustration of my life right now...

Twanasazi Days

Newroz. The biggest day on the Kurdish calendar. I certainly know how to celebrate Newroz back home. Come on! Who doesn't. But here... it was a different story. I didn't end up going to class, so I spent the morning talking to family and relatives who were already having their lunch on some high mountain in Kurdistan. Here, every person came up with an excuse of why they can't celebrate, or they don't have time to go out. So LK, SS and I decided we were going to go to a picnic on a hill as well. Just as we would at home. We also decided to wear our jli Kurdi. In half an hour all three of us were ready to go! In the accomodation and around campus every passer by asked about where we were from-- so it was our chance to do some advertising for Kurdistan. We walked for almost an hour to a nearby park here in Nottingham, the entire way we were listening to old Kurdish songs (new ones too!) we reached a nice hill-top, imagined it was Kurdistan, put out the snacks, the flag, sat down and shared some memories of how we would celebrate Newroz back home, then walked back all the way to campus.

I must point out all three of us had deadlines too.

For the evening, the girls had cooked bryani and yaprax which we shared with few other international students in the common room. What is going to be unforgettable was after dinner; there we were five of us Kurds clearing the kitchen and washing dishes (my talents in the kitchen seems to only be at the sink) we learned a lot from one another. It was all laughter as we taught each other different dialects of Kurdish.

Here we are. Five girls. Each from a different place. I represented the garmiyan area, while LK was from Slemani, AH from Hawler and two others from Duhok. As we would in Kurdistan, right after dinner and washing, we drink our chay wa and spent a good hour sharing the different traditions, languages and way of life in the different Kurdish areas within Kurdistan.

Who would've known. So far from home, we would learn about our own people as well... I guess when you're a twanasazi student every encounter is a learning experience- the most important, as I have come to realize, are those at the kitchen sink.
Today, I missed my father the most, because I know Newroz is the only occassion that he celebrates with all his heart. Today is his birthday, his eid, his New Year, his father's day, mother's day and everything else- so it was only natural for me to think of him the entire time, his voice was the first one I heard when I woke up in the morning....

Wednesday 7 March 2012

Twansazi days


 looking at the wet dreams and breathing in the air
So many people ask me how my days are...

How am I doing? I often ask myself that exact same question. It is life, sometimes you are over the moon and other times glad that you're a girl and it is okay to cry a little bit. At times homesickness knocks at my door; I loose myself and begin imaging sitting in our family room with my parents, brother and maybe few relatives too.

Today was a typical day in my life in the UK as a Twanasazi. Woke up early in the morning, I must point out the only times when I wake up in the morning without pressing 'SNOOZE' ten times is when it's raining outside. This morning I didn't wake up to the sound of the alarm, but to the rain tapping at my window. Next to me were some beautiful flowers, curtains aside, opened the window and felt the drops in the palm of my hand, after a while they formed a little puddle. Breathing in and out in no time I was in my boots and downstairs.... began the morning with a walk under the rain.

I felt free, I felt light, I felt nothing in the world mattered right then and there, I felt my father walking beside me...

Sometimes I think if it wasn't for the view and the surrounding outside I couldn't have survived here, but it's this natural beauty, the lake view, the sun's colours in the sky everyday, the trees, and even the ducks (who I illegally feed from my window almost every morning) that make this place 'just right' for me to study in.

As deadlines are approaching long hours are spent in the library. I take enjoyment in my 3 minutes and 20-seconds walk to the library. When I am back my room is like a little Kurdistan, every corner of my wall reminds me of home.

Last year this time I would sit down and day dream of coming to the UK and studying. It was the family discussion almost everytime we were together, and all those who were close to me knew that I had this dream in my mind. Here I am today, living yesterday's dream. How funny, as I am living a dream, I begin to dream another dream...