The rain drops... and I.

I took this picture on my way to the library.

At nights like this I know I am not going to go to sleep for many hours tossing and turning in bed… even if the time is 3 am I will end up taking a pen and my diary out to write. So I might as well getting this out the way now so I can get a good night's sleep with a clear mind.  

Here is the story…. I was at the library today and it was raining nonstop—of course I walk to the library under the rain without an umbrella (MUM – I know you’re about to pick up the phone and tell me off, but please don't!) For me it was as though I was in heaven. I walked the entire library twice to get a good seat that a) had a computer because I hadn't taken my laptop and more importantly b) to have a nice view looking outside. I couldn't find the seat that I wanted free. I ended up sitting with an okay view. I was going through some of my research for one second and the next second I was day-dreaming, staring out the window.

I was looking at the roof top of the building next to the library. It amazed me how the rain fell on the roof, how it had created a puddle that slid down towards the pipes, how every time the heavy drops of rain fell into the puddle it would create a little ripple. I loved it. Every time I would read a few paragraphs then lift my head again to study those rain drops on the glass roof of the building opposite to the library.

Speaking to a friend later in the evening I asked "am I normal" their reply was "your mind must be so clear that you are thinking of rain drops." No. this is not the case. In fact my mind is never clear, it is always thinking, dreaming, imagining. Sometimes I wish it would stop for few minutes a day. Sometimes  I speak to my mind "you're over doing it this time" I say.

Is this how the human mind functions? What do normal girls my age think of? What do normal people think of when they are doing research? I am sure they don't analyze the rain drops on the glass roof of a building. Do they?

In my room when I have nothing better to do (I admit, as much as I hate myself for it, but sometimes I do go to the MBC.com and watch a few soaps) but most of the time I am either on TED or YouTube searching for what psychologists and scholars say about happiness, about the human mind, about thinking, about bonds (don't worry internet connection in this part of the world is so fast that the video loads before you even click on it… which makes my search a treasured experience) the point is I often question and think too deeply—just between me and me. It never bothers me… I can be alone with my thoughts for days on end without being bored. Sometimes me and my imagination are in harmony, other times we have our arguments, but somehow we manage to get along perfectly. We both know I am different and sometimes lonely in my thoughts, sometimes hard to let people understand how you think and what you believe in, sometimes you would wish you can tell someone what you're thinking and for them to say "yes me too" but that rarely happens. In this modern day and age, saying you think of the power of a smile, a rain drop or the smell of wet soil in plane terms "you're insane."  At such times my silent side takes over.

I don't look for one who thinks like me, but one who understands and appreciates these thoughts.