24 and some days

Dearest

So, I wrote a long blog, thought it published, but thanks to the ridiculous internet line I suffer from, there was nothing of it left. It wasn't even saved! Maybe my fault, maybe the internet, but I can swear I pressed the 'Publish' button.

Anyhow, I spoke a lot about how it felt being 24, and how great the birthday surprises were! How thankful I am to have such great family, friends and loved ones in my life etc. I said a lot. Maybe you're lucky it got deleted because it was one long post.

Meanwhile do drop by at mandalawi.blogspot.com going to blog some interesting things in the days and months to come. I promise!

Good night for now
Saza - Feeling in a very new-year kind of mood

24 going on 25!

Dearest,

Wow. 24 years of my life are gone! It's that evening of every year where I sit down and look back at my achievements, failure, the laughter and tears and all the mountains I climbed and seas I sailed. Tonight is no different. Looking back, 23 with all it's moments was a part of my life that won't be forgotten.

At the age of 23 I went to the Pyramids of Cairo and saw the beautiful African sunset, I took part in two key and very successful conferences, and of course began what could have been a dream career pathway.

At 23, I became the Director of Marketing, Media and Public Relations at the University. It's about a year now I am there, though the ride was bumpy towards the end; and that, my dearest reader, is because after 23 years I realized what it is that I want to do (maybe not for the rest of my life, but at least for the next few years). Hence, with the new year, and as an opening to 24 of existence on this planet I will be trying something new and hopefully exciting (typical me!). I learned more about myself in this job then many other jobs I have done previously.

This was one of the most intense, most rewarding and most enjoyable work experiences I have had.

At 23, I met a new friend who has come into my life, coincidentally she's an artist, on various occasions I would make my way to her place and watch her paint on a large canvas, I learned from her a lot of things, not just about paintings and artists, but about life and people.

At 23, I knew very well who are my friends for life (A.S., A.R., B.R., N.Q., S.I., B.K.,) With them, and with their encouragement and support we undertook various volunteering initiatives, and together we thought of our dream project  (which needs a few million dollars of funding), we even wrote some of the ideas down for someday in the future...

At 23, I was introduced to Edward de Bono's thinking, in which I later became a trainer. I had the privilege of training students, and groups of individuals from the Erbil International Airport Security. Aside from this, with the current situation taking place, I managed to make amazing new friends at the Domiz Refugee Camp, my experiences there this year has been the highlight of my 23!

I am who I am today because of the great individuals who surround me, because of a family who I would sacrifice my life for at any moment if needed. While I remain a little girl at heart, I admit I have learned a lot and have taken every stumble and tumble as a lesson not to be repeated. I have grasped at every opportunity that has knocked at my door (some I had to run after!) and few others I had to let go of, because with 23,  I matured more and Saza found herself thinking more.

At 23, I learned one of the hardest things in life for any individual is to make the right decisions.  This can take us to another few paragraphs which I am sure you won't be interested in reading, so I won't explain why.

Finally, with all my flaws I love who I am today. I welcome 24 with open arms, a year older, and hopefully I am wiser to confront the challenges that 24 has for me. As much as I grow, the child in me will stay, and I will still be the petite girl who loves to dream of a great world!







[This entry was written on December 5, 8:38 PM but I will schedule the publication for a later date]

Hello December!

Dearest,

December 1st. Couldn't let this day pass without writing something. Anything! You would have probably guessed by now I love December. The idea of a year ending and another beginning makes me think a lot of positive thoughts. It's a chance to recap on the entire year, you look at pictures and realize how many great things have taken place during the year. Of course, you think of the 'down' moments too. 

Then there's the New Year, the new goals set, the new aims, ambitions and hopes for a new year. 

In my part of the world all is well. Few minor, but big changes taking place with me. Will update you later. Meanwhile, my dearest reader (there were two of you, I know one has disappeared, not sure about the other Loyal Reader), I hope you can recap on this year and see that you have had a good year. I hope you can look forward for 2014 full of hope, optimism and energy for the new year! 

Have a great December! I promise this won't be the last post for 2013

Saz - Season's Greetings!

Halloween

Dearest,

I think I fooled you by the tile of this post, while kids in different corners of the world (including my own Kurdistan) are doing trick or treating, I, also feel it's Halloween tonight,

I think I have been in and out of bed about three times till now. I go in, I toss and turn, can't sleep so I wake up again. Thinking of some of the issues at the orphanage. I miss the kids so much. TOO much. In particular some of the girls I got used to seeing some of them for so many years. Sadly, our visits now are restricted in many ways, I haven't been for about a month. That's all I will say on this matter. You join the dots.

Secondly, my research at the women's prison continues. Today I spent three hours listening to cases, typing my way for findings. I thought to myself: "What are you doing Saza, a research? These stories can be turned into a movie, a book..." True. But I think for a long time I prefer for the stories to live inside my mind and heart, you never know one day it might come out. I saw two of the women cry as they spoke to me, it hurt. Another had wounds all over her hands, I knew she had tried to hurt herself. I even told her.

All those I spoke to today were few years older or few years younger than myself. But they looked much older, not in size (because petite Saza always looks like a 15-year-old) but even in facial features. Their gray hairs, their wrinkles, the tired expressions on their faces.

I bought some handmade jewelry from one of the women. I will write about it in the next few days on mandalawi.blogspot.com

For the first time, today I admit life is unfair for some people, but I can only hope and pray the rest of their life, and their next life, can be a little bit more fair.

Meanwhile, I sleep in a comfy bed, while there are young women in the deepest of problems, and even worse, nothing is in their hands to solve. Having a problem is one thing, but feeling like your hands, and feet are chained and your mouth is sealed... that just gives the word 'Problem' an entirely new meaning.

Good night
Saza - 

Updates

Dearest,

It has been such a long time! Since my last post I went to the One Young World Summit in South Africa, and changed jobs (but I didn't like the new job, felt like it is killing me and taking too much of my time. Had no social life or for that matter, had no life at all. Hence, today I am celebrating my liberation from that). I have come to realize there is no job in the world that is perfect, however, I have also learned what it is that I can do and what it is that I can't stand doing. The positive side from that experience was that I learned more about myself, I tried something new (doesn't always have to be good) and realized I am surrounded by the best people in the world who washed me with love and support.

I would complain via voice notes to a friend, then I would go to work and find flowers, chocolate and kulicha on my desk from that same friend. I would complain to another friend on a Thursday afternoon (you know us girls, we sometimes love to complain and we can't keep our mouths closed) Sunday morning I find colorful cupcakes, I complain to my family and SK and I kept hearing the greatest words. As for my boss, he made me watch a TED talk and listen to a song along the lines of "But I will survive." I did bola booolllll (complaining) to A.R., A.S., and B.A. ended up having a gathering with them which made me faint on the floor with laughter. My amazing colleagues who have an office down the corridor were SUPERB sources of support and encouragement.Wow, looking back now it wasn't that bad!

Two lessons learned from the worse job experience in my life (which lasted about 3 weeks)
1. If you are miserable at your job, then you're miserable in your personal life. Because once you come back home all worn out (in my case work at home too) you can't smile to your family, you can't have a decent conversation with your other half, you can't even be in the mood to laugh.
2. Be true to yourself. At any point you don't like what you're doing, or you are not doing it well then you are wasting your time, because there is something that you're good at, so you have to find that and do it. NOW.
3. Good friends and people's support is the medicine to life!

(Yes, I realize they were three, not two, points!)

I promise I won't disappear like this again, I don't think any of you noticed anyway! Or did you?

Lots of love
Saza

My precious city...

Dearest...

 I don't know what to say or where to start from. I won't talk you through everything that happened today, but you can just go and read my tweets... then, you might understand.

Today, this precious city that I live in got wounded. Four explosions, 6 killed, 62 injured. I saw the smoke from the office window...

Sad that this has to happen. I feel like I owe those six police men my life. I feel guilty that I am alive and they're dead. Salute! Salute! Salute!

The place where the incident took place is my route to and from work every single day. Every morning and afternoon. Could have been me. Could have been any of my relatives, family and friends.

I hope this united us and makes us stronger. I know it will. It must.


Good night
Saza - I love Erbil too much, I can't see it like this.

The journey... continues

Dearest,

Love your job. 

That's it. I am leaving the fancy office, the whole "Director" title and everything else that goes with it.

Saza will be teaching. While I am a little nervous about the experience SK and some of my close friends have been very supportive. Of course, there are the individuals who think I am out of mind for leaving behind a job that not many people my age can have. Still. I have done what makes me happy. For now.

Yay!! That means I can finally wear some flat shoes, jeans and I can say bye-bye to my row of formal black blazers, who happily said "Good Morning" to me for the past ten months.

Don't get me wrong. Until about 8 weeks ago I was definitely in a dream job, starting a career and loving every step. However, I am a strong believer that things happen in our life for a reason, and we always change. It reached a point where I wanted something more than just a 9 to 5 (correction, 8:30 to 4:30) job. I can go on and explain my reasons forever, but don't worry I won't. 

Love

Saza - wish me luck! It is going to be a very interesting experience. By the way, working on the 2nd Edition of  the book My Nest in Kurdistan with some parts that have never been read before.